3 years ago...

hey yall I've been super busy this week!!! But I just had to write today :))
Today is a very special day for me and I want to tell everyone why! Three years ago tonight on May 10, 2009 the Lord saved me. Can't believe it has been 3 years. Since today was my spiritual birthday I thought I should share my testimony...This is why i chose to name my blog: From pieces to peace. :) He took me in pieces and gave me peace!


Where should i start? I guess I'll first tell yall I had a very, very hard time with it all! I made many many false professions over the years. I grew up in a Christian home so I knew Jesus was and is the only way. When I was 6 years old I asked the Lord to save me for the first time. I remember alot about that night; my daddy opened his Bible and showed me verses and after he talked to me a while I said a prayer and then I thought I was saved. I remember going to school the next day and telling my classmates I had gotten saved. I guess looking back the reason I wanted to be saved was because I knew I had to do it sooner or later and I did not want to go to Hell. Two years later when I was in 3rd grade I asked him to save me again! I felt alright for about 4 years...When I was 12 i truly believe was when God really began convicting me. I was scared to die and even more scared he would come back and I would be left. One sunday night a few weeks before Christmas 2004 I went to the altar and said another prayer asking Jesus to save me. Nothing changed but I felt a little better. I started realizing I had no peace and that I did not even know what peace was. During my freshman year of high school I went to a prom alternative with a few friends and they had a preacher preach to us and he set 3 chairs out in the middle of the floor and he said we were all in one of the 3. The first chair were those who were saved and knew it. The second were those who had asked the Lord to save them before but didn't know if they really were saved or not. The last chair were those who knew they were lost. Fear gripped my heart when he asked us which chair we were in. Everyone thought I was saved, but deep down I didn't know if i really was. The next day at church I found myself at the altar asking HIM to save me again because I didn't know. I didn't know and I wanted to know so bad! And again just like all the other times I relied on that prayer and thought i was alright. A few months passed and I was now in 10th grade and again I didn't think i was saved. Me and my lil sis went and stayed a week in GA with our cousins the week after Christmas and the night before we were supposed to go home my aunt had me talk with a lady at their church. I told the lady I just didn't know if i was really saved or not and she told me that I would know before I left the room. So I trusted her as much as I could and again I prayed a prayer that did nothing for me but after that i told myself I was saved. I tried to make myself believe it...The concept of telling myself I was saved worked alright for a little over a year. And then it was 2009 when everything changed!


After telling myself i was saved for all that time I began to "feel" okay until I went to revival in January at Mt Sinai in Pickens. Bro Mark Stroud preached the revival and i am pretty sure it lasted 9 weeks in total. But I remember he preached many messages on Hell and God started nudging my heart. We went to a few other revivals around that time and everywhere we went the message was to the lost. I felt fear but in the midst i was still telling myself i was saved and it was just the devil trying to make me doubt. God kept dealing and I kept telling myself I was okay. Then my (old) church (open door baptist church) started having an unplanned revival. Finally I started asking God what i was and if I was really saved. I was so scared he was going to come back! He was on my mind constantly.One night after coming home from church I was so afraid, I couldn't stop crying and I was so confused. While lying in bed I could hear my parents talking across the hall (the door was shut) and then all the sudden it was just dead silence throughout our house and the first thing I thought of was that the Lord had come back! I kept waiting to hear their voices but they didn't say anything. I sat up in bed and everything was spinning and I can't even describe the way I felt... the fear was so undescribable! I tried to yell my moms name but nothing would come out. I couldn't speak! I tried again and my voice was kinda there and finally I screamed "moma!!" and (im pretty sure I scared them half to death by the way they responded) both my parents said what!?whats wrong?? I (my sis n i have bunk beds and Im on the top bunk) leaped off of my ladder (it's a wonder i didn't fall lol) and i ran into their room as fast as i could! once I got there tears were streaming down my face. Oh the relief to hear their voice and see their faces and know I was safe. My WHOLE body shook, my knees were knocking so uncontrably i could barely stand. I told them I thought the Lord had come back and that I didn't know if i was saved. (they had heard that last part MANY times over the years) they talked to me for a while and then my daddy said something I never forgot, he said God wasn't going to write it on a wall that I was saved. I wished so bad that God would write it on the wall!! I wanted to know what I was: lost or saved. I started seeking the Lord the best I could. On march 16, 2009 I remember it was a monday and we had revival at church that night. We were out of school that day so all day at home whenever I could I prayed that God would show me if I was saved or lost that night at church. We got to church and when it was preaching time Bro. Anthony Green got up behind the pulpit and told us where to open our Bibles and then he said the title of his message "How close can you get to Heaven and still go to Hell?" With just the title being spoken God whispered to my heart "megan, this is for you, you are NOT saved." God didn't write it on the wall but he did write it on my heart. I sat their and just cried through the whole message (something I had never done before.) I will never forget that message because I know God laid it on Bro. Green's heart just for me! He told about how most people are close but not close enough. We can fool the world and our church family into thinking we are saved but we can't fool God (and you can't fool yourself.) He told about the soldiers who cast lots on Jesus' garments when he was on the cross and said the one who got the robe probably put it on around him and it had Jesus' saving blood on it. He said alot of people have Jesus' blood on the outside but not on the inside where it really counts. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, if he is not on the inside you are not going to heaven. I was one of those people who had his blood on the outside, i dressed right, talked right and even read my Bible and prayed but  was lost! I went to the altar that night and instead of just saying another prayer i talked to the Lord and begged him to save me and give me the real thing! I was so tired of saying a prayer and nothing ever changing, i longed to have peace! After that night my world pretty much turned upside down.I KNEW for the first time in my life i was completely LOST!  I tried so hard to be a good girl because I was so scared God would kill me because I was such a wicked sinner. I went to the altar for many weeks everytime he would deal with me and I would stay for like 30 minutes at a time. I told God one night I didn't care if it took 1 year or 10 years I was going to keep going to the altar until HE saved me. I let him work on me during this time! HE was ALL i wanted!! For Easter we went to be with family in NC and my cousins church had a crucifiction and ressurection play and I realized something that night...as the scoffers and towns people mocked him and said "crucify him" i heard one lady say "he deserves it!" Tears filled my eyes as I thought to myself he did not deserve that but it is all my fault he died! I just heard a song the other night at revival at Roanoke and one of the lines is "he was guilty of loving me." Jesus NEVER sinned but the only thing he did that he shouldn't have was to love me, megan rachelle roberts. he should have never loved me, i am not good enough and i never will be good enough to deserve his love! But that is Jesus, he loves the unlovable <3


He kept working and I kept going to the altar. I had many nights of little sleep and had to get up and make sure the Lord hadn't came back many times. Even during the day i would go check to make sure my moma was still there. Everytime I checked I felt a lil relief but then 5 minutes later I would be scared and have to go make sure again. I was a junior at this time and even at school all i could think about was Him coming back and Hell just ran through my mind nonstop. I just couldn't get away from it. I remember looking at the clock at school and thinking "please 3:15 hurry up and get here" and then it would hit me that by 3:15 the Lord might have came back and then I would just pray he wouldn't! My grades even fell a little bit because I couldn't concentrate. I got to the place where I was SO miserable. I felt so low that i didn't think I could get any lower!


But finally one wonderful night on Mother's Day May 10, 2009 at Open Door Baptist Church on the left side of the altar he heard my cry! The message that night was out of Luke 15 about the prodigal son, titled "most don't make it." Most people think they can live life how they want and still get saved before it is too late but for most that never happens. I wanted to be in the few that do make it! I went to the altar and prayed and prayed and just kept praying. after a while all the ladies came and prayed around me and then slowly all but 2 left. 2 special people stayed and kept praying for me (which meant the world to me!! It is such a blessing when someone is there beside me praying for me!) I just kept on praying and after a while (about 45 minutes) I finally told God i couldn't think of anything else to say and that i had said it all but he still hadnt saved me. I said what do you want me to do God? and it popped into my head "you have to give him everything, you have to give the Lord it ALL." So that is what I did I started giving pieces of myself to the Lord and finally after naming a few things I said, "God you can have it all! i don't want it. I dont know why you would want anything from me, I have nothing good at all! but if you want it you can have it all" and about that time peace flooded my soul and It felt like someone jumped inside my heart and I KNEW he had just saved me!!! I felt real peace and joy...neither of which i had ever felt before! I thanked him for saving me and I remember thinking 'oh my goodness this is real!' I got up from the altar and walked back to my seat and for the first time ever (after being at the altar) I began smiling while walking to my seat. I just couldn't help it! :)) I got back to our pew and my family was giving me a weird look lol. I sat down and about 2 seconds later I was standing up telling the church what had just happened to me at the altar! All i remember saying was "God saved me tonight" and I have no clue what I said after that! I remember thinking "oh yes im finally gonna be able to sleep tonight!!!" i was so excited about that ;) because after about 2 months of crying myself to sleep and getting up multiple times in the night the make sure my parents were still there I was worn out! but I still DIDN'T sleep much that night either but it wasn't because i was scared of the Lord coming back; it was all because I couldn't stop smiling and i was so excited to be saved that I couldn't sleep!


It has NEVER been the same since that night! i fail the Lord but he has never once let me down. He is my best and truest friend, the most dependable person there is. still to this day i have NO idea why on earth he chose to save me. I think about the precious Holy Spirit and how long he dealt with me so patiently and i just don't understand why he spent all that time on me. the only thing I can think of is bc he loves me and he wanted me!  Jesus wanted me and he wants you too if you are not saved!


 I remember before I got saved i used to think God was mean and Jesus was the nice one but I had it wrong. I know now God loves me so much he can NOT love me anymore. All the love there is he bestows to me. He loved me unconditionally when i was lost and he still does today! I don't deserve to be loved by God all I deserve is Hell. But I am soooo thankful he passed by my way he should have never even looked my way . But oh how glad i am that he did look my way and showed me i was lost and then found me. These 3 years have been an amazing journey! Some hard times but "through it all God's been good."


Sorry it was so long but I wanted to tell it all :) hope it is a blessing or help to someone.