Shut up perfection, I AM making Progress

It’s been a month since 2020 began. I usually choose a word for the year and somewhere along the way I usually forget it, or give up on it. 2020’s word is PROGRESS. I sat at my journal reviewing all this month had brought and I thought to myself “there wasn’t really any progress”. But the more I wrote and thought,  the more I realized exactly what progress is. 

In my mind progress is doing big things, accomplishing everything on my list everyday, eating a certain way, and putting in ___ amount of hours in the gym. This month I failed at these. But what if progress is choosing to see things in a new perspective. 

Perfection screams, but progress steals its name. I too often believe progress equals perfection, but that’s impossible. I’m not perfect. I didn’t have a perfect month. It was a month full of things that were out of my control. 

I can use these as excuses..balancing a job, college classes, and student teaching, having a lost grandpa that’s dying of pancreatic cancer, missing my boyfriend who lives 17 hours away, having family issues that aren’t being resolved, doubting myself constantly, sickness..this month I’ve had it all. 

Everyday I showed up. Everyday I did what I had to do. It might not have been pretty and it wasn’t easy, but I did it. That is what I’m choosing for progress to be. 

Sometimes progress isn’t evident until later down the road; sometimes it’s inward where no one else can see. Choosing to show up for those you love, showing up for yourself, showing up when you just don’t think you can-that’s still progress.

To choose to fight another day when your boxing gloves are worn out, to choose to say another prayer and once again not receive an answer-that progress, and one day progress pays off. God is forever faithful. He will not fail you. He has not forgotten you. Keep on walking! Keep on fighting. Keep growing! Keep going! You ARE making progress. Don’t forget to give yourself grace. 

I usually pick a verse for the year as well. 2020’s verse is:

But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen. -2 Peter 3:18

That time I quit on God

One month ago tonight I came to the realization that I was done. I quit on God. 

I have this special journal that I will give to my Future husband on our wedding day..I call it my Boaz journal. In January 2012 I surrendered my life to the Lord and the first thing he dealt with me about was waiting..God told me to wait for my man. I thought he’d make me go to Africa, or some bible college far away if I surrendered to him, no that’s not what happened. God said wait for him. Sometimes I think one of the other choices might have been easier! I didn’t want to do that, but I did. I have. I still am. And I’m pretty much the most impatient person on the planet!

Anyways, a few months after saying I’d wait my mom gave me a book called, Praying For Your Future Husband..in the book it mentioned writing letters to him. I thought it was lame honestly, but the Lord worked in my heart and I started writing letters. Two years later I wanted to get a journal so I could keep everything together. I searched for months trying to find the perfect one. I started writing in it August 2014. For the past 5 years I’ve written prayers, verses, letters etc.. My Boaz journal has always been special to me. It’s went through many valleys, and there’s been many tears cried as I’ve written in it. It’s seen a lot of No’s from God.

It’s all part of my story. A story I’ve always been proud to have. I was always grateful I’d decided to wait for God to send the right one. Like I said at the beginning, on March 7 I decided I was done. I was done with God. I was done with his Word. And I was done with waiting. 

Let me back up just a bit.. last summer (2018) I became very discouraged in the Lord.  I took my eyes off Jesus, and put them on everyone around  me, and everything around me. Instead of running to God, and clinging more tightly like I should have I left. I gave up. I quit without realizing I had quit. I left my church I’d once loved. I was determined to live a life of convenience and just be content sitting on a pew. I wanted to just do me. Nothing felt right though. I tried new churches, nothing felt like home. For a long time I felt like the prodigal son..I thought I could go home but it would never be the same. I continued to run from God. 

So back to the journal..one month ago tonight I grabbed my journal and wrote words I never thought I would write. I only had one front and back page left in the whole book. on the front of my last page I wrote that I’d regretted waiting, I’d regretted living for the Lord. In my mind all I seen was that I’d lived right and it got me nowhere..I was still alone. Still single. Still waiting for someone who just never seemed to come. Every time I met someone new it ended in God sayin No, and new wounds to my heart. I am no stranger to heartbreak, and my dreams being shattered over and over again. I was tired of the thoughts and memories of it all. I was tired of being let down by people, and in my mind even by God. 

The last thing I wrote was this: “This is my life”. I underlined MY, slammed the book and threw it across the room. It hit my bedroom door and fell to the floor. This book that I’d poured my heart into no longer meant anything to me. I just left it there on the floor. I didn’t want it anymore. Any of it. I was furious with God. I was bitter. I had finally decided I was going to live MY life how I wanted. I was done. But God wasn’t done with me (insert praise hands!!!) 

When you get “done” with God is when He will show up! For some reason I went to a youth meeting the very next night. On my way there I was listening to music I shouldn’t have been, going way to fast on wet roads. For the first time in my life I hydroplaned.. I lost control of my car, was swerving all over the place. I almost hit a car coming in the other lane, then a road sign on the other side of the road, then I did something super stupid..I over corrected when I went off the side of the road. My car could’ve flipped. It could have been so bad, but God got me back in my lane and I went on to church. I truly think the devil was trying to stop me from going.

I had no intentions of getting right, or help. My mind was made up. I went because my friend was going to be there, and I had nothing else to do. But the Lord knew I needed to be there. Pre Doug Raynes preached about being fools, the simple, and the scoffers..he quoted Proverbs 15:32 He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul..it literally felt like someone hit me with a brick. I knew me being in charge of my life would mean destruction.

I went home that night and set my bible on the kitchen counter..I had a choice to make. Ignore what I’d heard, or do something with it. I opened it up to Proverbs 15:32 and read it again, “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul..” I knew I didn’t want to despise my own soul..the soul that Jesus had given his life for and redeemed. I was hurting, and angry and confused. I grabbed my bible and went to my bed. Thank the Lord no one was home because little did I know it was about to get Real, REAL between me and God. It was just me, my dogs, and the Lord. I have cherished 1 Samuel 1 for a few years because Hannah’s story reminds me so much of my own. I started reading it and just giving God a piece of my mind every few words I read. 

“How could you do this to me God? Why? I don’t understand. I have trusted you, lived for you, waited for you and I’m left like this. All alone. Why can’t you just give me what I want? I know you’re able. I don’t understand why you haven’t answered my prayer yet?” The accusations went on and on. I kept reading chapter one while I yelled at the Lord. He so graciously let me say what I needed to. 

Y’all when I say I was mad, I was.. we weren’t sitting there popping bubble gum with light hearted conversation..noooo I’m talking screaming, yelling, hitting-my-bible-maddd-at-God. (Yes extra Ds on that mad!). I was so bitter. I was at a place I’d never been before. 

Then I noticed one tiny little word in verse 6–> FRET. The Bible says, “And her adversary also provoked her sore, for to make her FRET, because  the Lord had shut up her womb.” I always thought fret meant afraid, or scared...nope it means to irritate with anger, to trouble, to rub against. Year after year Hannah was made to fret..I realized Hannah was MADDD too! Her mad grew each year. It became too much, just like mine had became too much.

She was bitter. She was broken. She didn’t understand. She was so done. And so was I. Hannah poured it all out before God. That night through lots of tears, and a whole lot of mean words God sat with me while I poured it ALL out. He allowed every hurt, every let down, every NO, every shut door, everything that I’d tried to hide away and forget about to come to the surface and I poured it all out before him. God knew I didn’t need to hold onto all those feelings, because those feelings were controlling me.

As I look back over the last few months before that March night I can see God trying over and over again to get me to come to him..I would wake up some mornings with a verse on my mind.. for a few weeks it was, “if I make my bed in Hell, thou art there” psalm 139:8. God was saying, “I don’t care where you go, I’m going with you”. Literally everyday in February it rained..rain is something special between me and the Lord. Every time I seen the rain I knew he was trying to get me to just talk to him, but I kept running. I kept ignoring him. When I first got saved I was struggling and needed to be reminded that everything was okay and God was still in control..he sent me some rain and it was like the Holy Spirit said “no one can make it rain but me.” So many times since that day when I just need to be reminded I’ll ask God to send a little rain. He always does. 

For 10 years I’ve prayed, “God don’t give up on me”. I should’ve been praying, “God help me not to give up on you!” Because through this part of my story He has proven to me He will NEVER give up on his child. He will never give up on your story He’s writing for you. He’s working even in the waiting. My waiting years are not wasted years! 

I can’t believe I got so far that I put my bible on a shelf. I couldn’t read it. I didn’t want any part of it. Like I said earlier, it’s all part of my story. This is my story. It’s no longer perfect. I’m not the goody-two-shoes that people think I am. I am not perfect. My relationship with the Lord isn’t what it was this time last year. Honestly, I’m still upset with myself that I actually got mad and bitter at God. How could I do that? Idk but I did. My amazing God who loves me mistakes and all..the fact that he wanted me back blows my mind. I’m so grateful he never gave up on me!!! 

I quit on God, but He didn’t quit on me. Thank you Lord!

Whatever you’re running from, you can come home. You can be restored. I’m living proof. He’s a good good father and he will work it all out for you.

Don’t you give up on HIM because He will never ever give up on you. 

And of some having compassion..

If you are feeling discouraged read this:::: Yesterday my mom found one of our baby chicks (not so little anymore, but not fully grown yet) being pecked to death by the other chicks in the coop. She was just standing there being pecked. She couldn’t fight them alone. I was at work when Moma text and told me about it. It made me so mad to think that they would do that to her! She is smaller than the others, and when I’ve been around the coop I’ve noticed a little brown chick off by herself. I’m assuming this is her. Moma and Manda got her out of there and put her in a cage by herself. They cleaned her wounds and tried to feed her and give her water to drink. She is so weak. We’ve had chickens for almost 2 years, and are still learning about them. These chicks have been together since the beginning of April when Daddy bought them. How could they do this to one of their own?? Moma told me that’s just how they are..when one is smaller or sick they (sometimes) will gang up and attack/kill it. I wanted to go out to the coop and smack them all! But how much are we like these mean chicks? 

We had a missionary visit our church a few months ago. I don’t remember his name, but I remember the words he said. His mission is to exhort others, especially missionaries. He said, “exhort means to pull aside and lift up”. That’s written throughout the Bible, but usually we’re like the chicks. We attack the isolated ones. We leave them out. We hurt them with our words, and actions. It seems as though the ones who need the most encouragement and love are the ones we couldn’t care less about. It’s easy to say we care, but it takes effort to show we care. 

No one had her back. All had turned against her. But my little Moma showed up and saved her! She took her out of that mess. She is suffering even now because of the actions of the others. Now she must heal and get lots of rest. 

This chick stood her ground and she is still fighting! Maybe someone has turned on you and it seems like no one cares. Maybe you’re injured and can’t find help. It is coming! One day soon you will be pulled out of there! This world lacks compassion. Sadly the church lacks it as well. 

My mom did exactly what we should all be doing. Pull aside the hurting, broken, burdened, and sick ones,  and uplift them, help, love, pray for, show a little kindness towards. 

I believe God’s hands are evident in all things. He can use anything to teach us and grow us. I’m thankful He used little Bridgey to speak the importance of showing compassion. My mom and sis did the right thing, isn’t that why were all suppose to do? 

Don’t stop standing your ground. Don’t stop fighting. Don’t stop loving. Don’t stop giving. Don’t give up. Our big God sees you and He’s got your back! And lastly, there are still some good people out there who really do care! 🖤 

{Psalms 139:5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.}

{Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;}

{Romans 12:8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.}

{Hebrews 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.}

Don't run ahead..just wait!

Been thinking about this..God greatly blessed Sarah even though she messed up in the wait..How much
more will He bless those who sit still and patiently wait for Him to do the work He's already promised He will do?

Sarah ran ahead of God, and set in motion her own plan which she thought was the solution for her barrenness. It resulted in a bitter heart, a runaway slave (Hagar) and an unwanted baby (Ishmael). She made a mess and she still didn't have the one thing she wanted more than anything ..a baby!Ishmael became a constant reminder of her mistake. All she had to do was what she'd done her whole life..just keep waiting. That can be the absolute hardest thing to do when we feel we are ready NOW. Over the years God revealed himself to Abraham and told him bits and pieces of His amazing plan. He never personally told Sarah anything. She like myself had a hard time submitting and being patient. I am the most impatient person!!🙈
 Elisabeth Elliot said, "Do nothing." We want so badly to DO when all God wants is for us to TRUST❤️
{Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24}

But Jesus Loves You

Now Jesus loved Martha.. When he had heard therefore that he (Lazarus) was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was.
John 11:6a,7

Jesus loved Martha. Martha, the one who fussed at him in Luke 10. The one who thought he didn't care about her. The one who felt alone in serving. The one who needed rest but didn't seem to know it or the author of it.

But Jesus loved Martha. In this chapter her brother is deathly sick. Just like you and I do very often they cry out to Jesus to come and heal him. But this Jesus who loves Martha doesn't come. He didn't do what she asked. He didn't come when she called. If he loved her shouldn't he have came running as fast as he could? The end of verse 5 says Jesus loved her sister, and Lazarus. So why would he stay 2 extra days where he was? How could someone love someone and not come and help when they ask? If Jesus loved these people why didn't he show up and show it?

I must be honest. I have a problem with God not doing things when and how I want. His word says over and over if we call He will answer, and if we need him he is {always} there. But way too often God seems invisible. Sometimes it's like He is not there at all.

I think about Martha..how she had been changed since the time Jesus had came for dinner at her house. She had been so anxious, so angry, and so annoyed, that she missed those sweet blessings of being in Jesus' presence. Jesus was so patient with her. There was so much love behind those words, "Martha, Martha". He wasn't chastising her, but calming her with his precious voice. But here they are in a hopeless, broken situation. Lazarus is dying and Jesus isn't coming like they hoped and prayed.

I can imagine the disappointment Martha and Mary felt that moment Lazarus died. I can imagine the bitter thoughts that filled their minds as hour after hour passed and their Saviour still hadn't arrived.

But Jesus loved Martha.
And I have to say the broken heart isn't the end of the story. They didn't get what they asked for. Instead they got a miracle. The miracle is always worth the brokenness. It's worth the doubts. It's worth the wait. It's worth the wavering faith.

Think about that..God allows things to happen which shake our faith for a moment because He knows very soon it'll strengthen and grow deeper roots of faith in us!

Maybe he hasn't came when you called. Maybe you're still waiting. Maybe your dream has died. Just remember "Now Jesus loved Martha". But Jesus loved YOU.

The Christian life is a journey..day by day we walk through valleys, up mountains, through night seasons, storms, trial after trial, flat tire, you name it..these are what life is. It's hard! The Lord knows that. Sometimes we wonder if he really loves us, but soon his love will be evident to those around you. The Jews said, "Behold how he loved him!" In verse 36.

He loves me so much that he won't give me what I want. He loves me so much that he won't do what I want. He used their story to get glory! He loves me so much that he wants others to see his love as well.

That's what real love is. Oh the love of Jesus how vast, how measureless!
Don't forget how much Jesus loves YOU. He knows best and only does what is best. We must trust him. Sometimes we have to have patience with God.

Huldah the weasel squeaking Truth

2 Kings 22:14-15
So Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam, and Achbor, and Shaphan, and Asahiah, went unto Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tikvah, the son of Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Jerusalem in the college;) and they communed with her.
And she said unto them, Thus saith the Lord God of Israel, Tell the man that sent you to me..

King Josiah began to reign when he was only 8 years old. At age 16 he began to seek the Lord unlike his fathers before him. He desired to live right and please God. 4 years later at age 20 he began to repair the damage done to the House of God by those before him. While cleaning up things the Book of the Law was found in the Lord's house (vs8). For the first time in many years the Word of God was read aloud. In verse 10 the book is read to the King. Josiah is broken over the things he hears. "For great is the wrath of the Lord that is kindled against us, because our fathers have not hearkened unto the words of this book.." (vs 13).

Josiah sends the priest to talk to the Prophetess, Huldah. A prophetess is an inspired woman. Her inspiration was God alone. Her name means weasel or mole. To many in our culture that would be an insult. When I first read the meaning of her name I didn't like it.. but if she's a weasel I'd love to be a weasel any day! A weasel lives hidden under roots, or in holes. Huldah was no stranger to the secret place. Weasels are often quiet and unnoticed. She wasn't concerned with the limelight. Weasels are small but their hearing is superb, and they see things others often miss. They keep to themselves, and mind their own business. {I think we need more weasels!} It is said when a weasel squeaks that death is near. In 2 Kings 22:15-20 the weasel squeaks. Think about it..Huldah must have been very brave! The king could've killed her for her negative message but it was the truth. She spoke truth even though the message was hard. Death was coming, God was upset, and his wrath would not be quenched. Many of the prophets spoke falsely, but she remained true to the Lord no matter how those around her lived. She wasn't squeaking gossip rumors, or lies. Her voice wasn't just noise..her voice was truth. If we must squeak, let it be total truth that we squeak!

I've been teaching on the different Prophetess' in the Bible in Sunday school..although we do not have prophets or prophetess' today I'm so thankful God can and desires to use us all. I was taught (in a church) years ago women have no purpose but to stay at home..glad I know the truth now. I want to be an inspired woman who {squeaks} truth for my great God❤️

To the one who feels ~Low~

Luke 1:46-49
And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord, And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.

I'm thankful the Word is alive..just what I need right at the perfect moment. Last Sunday night my brother Josh preached his first message at church. It was an answered prayer and a blessing to see and know his story of how God brought him to where he is today. I thought about what Mary said in Luke 1:49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name. How true that verse is! But often it doesn't feel like "great things". As I was reading in Luke tonight I noticed one little word in verse 48. ~~{{Low.}}~~ Sometimes the small words get over looked but they usually have great meaning. Mary said the Lord hath regarded her low estate.

As I think about the context and where she was at this time I wonder if she had been low. I wonder if she had been down and out before the angel appeared to her with the great news of our Saviour. I wonder if she too battled with her self worth and identity like I often do. I wonder if she battled with wondering if she had a purpose and what her future might hold. Maybe she was just speaking humbly to Elisabeth but tonight as I myself am struggling I hope she had been just what the word says; low. Maybe that sounds bad to wish another to be down, but if she really was low (before) then it gives me hope and encouragement because in just a few short months she was no longer low but she was rejoicing. The night the angel appeared to her, Mary was troubled and fearful. He gave her a word and a promise, nothing more (Luke 1: 28-35). Can you imagine? Some might say God interrupted her life, but I say He changed her life. The critics criticized, the gossipers gossiped, and of course the haters hated. She was given a tough set of circumstances but she was changed through it.

I know Mary must have been special for God to use her to bring forth Jesus (Luke 1:31), but I wonder who she was BEFORE. Who was she before her sole purpose was for Christ? Who was she before she made it all about HIM? We know the Bible tells us, There is none righteous, no, not one -Romans 3:10. So that lets me know she had faults, failures and weaknesses too. Sometimes it helps me to remember the people I read about in scripture are human just like me. Mary was a woman, same as me. She had bad hair days, heavy burdens, and at times tear stains on her pillow. I bet she'd had a few broken hearts and maybe even broken some herself. She had been a bad friend, made the wrong choice, done her own thing a time or two. She was a sinner like us all. She had days where she was selfish, jealous, lazy, and obnoxious. Days where she just wanted to quit. But she didn't. She held on through the low times and in due time she became the masterpiece God wanted.

We might not be perfect tonight but we can be willing. Willing to change. Willing to allow God to perform an AFTER in our hearts. He knows and sees our struggles. When we humble ourselves and our will to please the Father we will have a rejoicing heart no matter the circumstances we face.

I want to take a look at Mary's AFTER. A few months later In verses 46,and 47 she says, "My soul doth magnify the Lord." And, "my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour."

Think about that. Who was magnified? The Lord. Who did she rejoice in? The Lord her Saviour. She had joy because the Lord was in his rightful place in her heart. No longer was her heart low and depressed. When we are low, we get self minded, self focused, self indulged. We don't see clearly. We just see our problems. The result is just plain selfishness. Selfishness leads to other things such as, being discontent, jealousy, vanity, and worst of all we can't love others or Jesus right.

I am tired of being Low. It's time to Magnify the Name of Jesus. It's not about me, it's about HIM. He is my reason to live. He is my identity. He is my purpose. He is all I need. I must Focus on his Holy Name. He's done great things and is worthy to be praised! It's time to make much of Jesus. The AFTER can be different than the BEFORE

**I am in no way trying to put Mary down nor accuse her. She was righteous and pure and chosen by God..just a thought about how God changed her through this amazing miracle of Jesus. She was not perfect and she did sin. Wanted to add this before I get a lot of negative comments ;) **

My God is Faithful

1 Thessalonians 5:24
Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.

On my way home from work I listened to the Jordan's sing 'My God is Faithful'. I started thinking about that, MY..My. God. Is..He is God and there is no other but He IS MY God. That's a capital G. I don't believe in a god/gods. I believe in the one true living God. And I have found that Faithful is He! All other religions and gods that people in this world are deceived into believing in have no power. My God isn't a rabbit's foot to give me good luck and He isn't a statute I have set out in my room. These 'followers' must be faithful to their god. They must do all the work, and prove all the love to be accepted. And for what exactly?? "Salvation only comes in one name..that name is Jesus!" My Lord is faithful to me even though I am so unfaithful to Him. I don't have to die for my god because my God already died for me. Jesus did all the work at Calvary. My heart, soul, and life rest safely in the hands of my faithful God who says He will do IT. It is not about what I can do but what he's already done. All glory, power and honor is His. I am not faithful. I am a failure. My God IS faithful and He never fails ❤️ #takeHimatHisWord

Favour from the Father in 2017

My word for 2017 is Favour. The angel told Mary she was highly favored (Luke 1:28). Joseph responded with grace to each of his trials and found favour with God and others (Genesis 37,39-50). Jabez prayed for favor (be blessed indeed) with God (1 Chronicles 4:9,10). Hannah's name means favored (1 Samuel ch1). I think about these different people and one thing they all had in common were life struggles. Mary was shunned because she was a virgin with child. Joseph was forsaken by his brothers and sold as a slave, wrongfully accused, sat in jail for many years but each step of his journey God gave him favour. Jabez was a sorrowful burden to his mother and had no father. Hannah daily had to face her adversary while she endured years of waiting and praying for a child..she wondered if God would ever answer.

There were times when these different people didn't feel favoured. Today as 2016 comes to an end I'll be honest I don't feel very favoured. I kind of feel forgotten. I feel left out. I feel discouraged and disheartened. I shouldn't feel this way but I do. Just as year after year passed while Hannah waited and prayed and got no answer, so have the years passed for me. Still no answer. Each year it seems to get a little harder. But no one ever said waiting on God was easy. The most miraculous things come from the hardest struggles. The wait and the years can make a persons faith weak. But "when I am weak..then am I strong!" (2 Corinthians 12:10) Only through Christ can my faith be strengthened through the hard stuff. When I try to bare this burden alone it overwhelms me, pulls me way down, steals my joy and consumes my focus.

I recently started reading Wendy Pope's book, Wait and See, Finding Peace in God's Pauses and Plans..I haven't read much but I've already been convicted about my attitude towards God about making me wait. See I just said "MAKING me wait." He doesn't make me wait. A few months ago for the first time in my life I was perfectly content about waiting. I've always struggled with waiting for things. I've never admitted that I am impatient but I am beginning to think that word describes me perfectly. In 2017 I want to get back to being grateful that I "get to" wait. I want to get back to the peaceful place of contentment. I am praying for the Lord to 1. Empower me to WAIT WELL 2. Help me to be PRESENT IN THE PRESENT 3. Allow me to EXPERIENCE GOD IN MY DELAY (page 37,38 in book) 

I am praying for favour with God. I am claiming 1 Samuel ch1 for myself. I'm praying God will remember me just as he remembered Hannah. My petition isn't the same as Hannah's but we serve the same God. He came through for her and I choose to believe he will come through for me too!

Time stands between was is and what will be. The hard part is the not knowing how much time the wait consists of. I look around and see many others experiencing the blessing I'm cry myself to sleep at night begging God to give me. I see people who did it the wrong way yet they have what I really want. But like I said above, my focus has been wrong. Isaiah 49: 18 says, "Lift up thine eyes.."

The truth is I AM favored. I'm no stranger to grace. Goodness and mercy have and continue to follow me each and everyday (Psalm 23:6). When I'm looking at what others have instead of all I already have I will not feel favored. I will not be content with my eyes on others. When we start down the path of dissatisfaction we will begin to believe our feelings. Once that begins we will start thinking our feelings are the only thing that really matters.

Lamentations 3:25,26 tell us the Lord is good to them who wait for him and it is good for us to wait. It sure doesn't feel good. Lately the idea of "waiting" has felt like a waste of time. But feelings usually fail us. My feelings have lied to me too many times. When I've let my feelings lead me they've always led me wrong. In January (2016) just a few days before I flew to Nicaragua for my second mission trip we were singing "living by faith" at church. The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said "when are you going to walk by faith?". It's easy to walk by my feelings. It's even easier to listen to my fears and let them lead me. My fears are a lot louder than my faith but oh the peace there is when I let go and let Jesus lead me. Waiting on the Lord requires letting go and living by faith. Faith is content with not having all the answers.

As I look back over this year I see a roller coaster ride. Lots of high places but also some low times. 2016 started with a whole lot of tears. Literally the deepest valley I've ever faced. I remember going to the Potter's Place in Central laying on the floor sobbing not being able to breath because God wouldn't answer me, because he didn't give me what I thought I was suppose to have. I begged and begged and he wouldn't tell me "why?". For months I thought I deserved an answer to my question. Along the way I learned he's with me through the Ups and Downs of life and I do not have the right to demand answers from God. I remember when he showed me Psalm 147:3 {He healeth the broken in heart, he bindeth up their wounds.} For months I begged God to sew me back together and eventually he did. Time does heal wounds if we allow it to. I remember that July summer night when I let go of the past and my dream and told the Lord I wanted to live and not just exist. That night I told my heart to beat again. I accepted God's "No." I chose God's will over my own. It's been a few months since then and I've been hurt by another "No". It seems that's the only answer I ever get. But I trust my Jesus. He knows best for me. Elisabeth Elliott said God will only give us his best..no matter where I am He is giving me his very best. Today his best is singleness. I must accept that and learn to love what He blesses me with. I am favoured even in the midst of my wait. I am favoured even when I don't feel like it. He gives more grace! No matter my need, my desire, my brokenness, or my request He has more than enough grace for me. And the same goes for you. Hannah, Joseph, Mary, and Jabez are just a few people from the Bible who were favoured. These are the ones God brought to my mind as I've thought about this word today.  He's no respecter of persons, so what he did for them He can and wants to do for us..we must learn to rest in Him and wait patiently for Him! Don't let your feelings, fears, trials, waiting season etc. consume you..Fretting over things does not give us any power over the trial. It only causes problems, doubt and further discontentment.

Like Hannah, you might be barren now but God will remember you when the time is right. Joseph was forgotten for years but when the time was right he was remembered and promoted to second in command under Pharoah. That expected end that only God knows will come to pass when it's the perfect time..Jeremiah 29:11 {For I know the thoughts that I think toward you saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.} Happy New year! You are favoured and He will remember you when it's time. Trust On in 2017! God's will WILL!

Luke 17:11-19 Where are the nine?

{Luke 17: 11-19 King James Bible}
And it came to pass, as he went to Jerusalem, that he passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. And as he entered into a certain village, there met him ten men that were lepers, which stood afar off: And they lifted up their voices, and said, Jesus, Master, have mercy on us. And when he saw them, he said unto them, Go shew yourselves unto the priests. And it came to pass, that, as they went, they were cleansed. And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, And fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan. And Jesus answering said, Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine? There are not found that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith hath made thee whole.

Jesus always asks questions that make us think! "But where are the nine?" Only this leper..who was an unworthy Samaritan took time to say thank you. Ungrateful people are one of my pet peeves. It's not that hard to say "thank you". These 10 men were diseased, defiled, disgusting, and had to live alone outside the city. I wonder how many years they'd been lepers. One wonderful day Jesus passed through the middle of where they were. Nothing is coincidence with the Lord. Although they had to stand "afar off" due to the law they knew this Jesus could heal them. They lifted up their voices and cried out for help. Jesus gave them a command and as they obeyed they were miraculously healed. One Sunday night, May 10,2009 Jesus passed through where I was and had mercy on me! I want to be the one who turns back to thank him and give him the glory he is due. I was a stranger just like this Samaritan..Unworthy, undeserving..just a nobody headed nowhere but God changed that! He's been good to me!!! Everyday he walks with me, talks with me and reminds me I am HIS own. I am so thankful he wants to fellowship with me, take care of me, hear my prayers and answer them with His very best! I'm glad I gave up religion that night I truly met Jesus and got a relationship with him instead. I fail Him everyday but He's never failed me!🙌🏼

Thankful: impressed with a sense of kindness received and ready to acknowledge it. Are you impressed with his loving-kindness and ready to acknowledge His goodness? Be thankful. Bless His name.  "Thinking turns to thanking"- Pre Tommy Hayes #thinkonHim #bethankful🍁 ~Take time to turn back and thank Him~

What the caterpillars taught me

A few weeks ago while running on a Saturday morning the Lord literally stopped me in my tracks. I was at the track I always go to. It is nothing special but has become one of my favorite places. While running my knee started to hurt so I stopped for a minute to do some more stretching, because that usually helps. While stretching I looked down and seen a caterpillar. It was about 2.5 inches from the grass. It was dead. It had dried up and died on the hot track. Right then Lord spoke to my heart through this dead caterpillar. {It amazes me how he uses little things to speak to us!} I stood there and thought to myself, "This isn't what God wanted for this caterpillar." It never reached its full potential. It never became the beautiful butterfly God had planned for it to be. I wondered why the caterpillar was out on the track..where the dark pavement was hot and there was no shelter or moisture. This little caterpillar had dried up because it wasn't in the right place. I then noticed another dead, lifeless caterpillar. And then another. They were all over the track. I felt conviction set in. Would I be like one of these caterpillars that ruined and wasted their life? Would I leave where I know I need to be to go where it looks fun, interesting, new etc.? Why did they all go to the track? Did they not understand it was too hot for them? We all at times like the caterpillars can be foolish. We think our way makes the most sense..but just as the caterpillar didn't know he would dry up, so will we when we head our own way.

As I kept running I kept seeing more and more that had died. Honestly, it broke my heart. I then noticed one moving so slowly on the track. I knew what would happen if he stayed where he was. The temperature was rising and the dark pavement would get hotter and hotter. He wouldn't make it out there. I got a stick, knelt down in front of it and the little caterpillar willingly climbed aboard. I carried him to a safe place...right where he could find all he needed; food, shelter, water. I put him near a tree and I hoped one day this caterpillar would become the special, one of a kind butterfly God desires it to be.

Here is some caterpillar knowledge for ya!.. A caterpillar at birth is called larva. It is born starving and eats everything in sight (literally). Growing more and more full of itself and junk everday. Over time as it gets fatter and fatter it takes more time to move. As it grows it sheds its's skin again and again. This makes me think of a lost person..continually "turning over a new leaf" again and again while nothing ever changes. I did that many times before the Lord saved me. Caterpillars are destructive insects. They can not help it..it's their nature.

And your spoil shall be gathered like the gathering of the caterpiller: as the running to and fro of locusts shall he run upon them. -Isaiah 33:4

Chaciyl is the hebrew word for caterpiller in this verse. It means ravager, and also means a locust. A ravager is one who lays at waste, a plunderer (thief) or a spoiler (one that corrupts). The caterpillar moves it's own way, and does what it wants to do. Plant after plant they devour and spoil. Imagine never doing anything good..that's the life of the caterpillar. One day it must get sick and tired of being nothing and going nowhere.

In order for the caterpillar to become a butterfly it must climb a tree and hang upside down and spin its chrysalis (cacoon). When a person gets tired of the way they're going they'll head to a new place..along the way your life might get turned upside down (like the caterpillar) and you'll start spinning in circles. You think you're not going anywhere and nothing will ever change. It is almost as if the caterpillar dies in the chrysalis. Time passes and on the outside it seems like nothing is happening. When it is time the once fat, good for nothing, destroying caterpillar will emerge and must break free from the chrysalis. If anyone helps the butterfly in this process it will never fly. It seems impossible to break free but once free the new butterfly must flap its wings and get the blood flowing through them. Next is flying time. What was once impossible is now possible for the butterfly. As a caterpillar it looked like everyone else, now it is a one of a kind butterfly.

It can take from 7 days to even a year for a caterpillar to become a butterfly in its chrysalis. Beautiful things take time. I wonder why God made caterpillars..why not just make the butterfly first and bipass the caterpillar having to go through all the trouble just to get wings? I dont know the reason but I know God likes to spend time on things. He likes changing things to make them better. From the little things like caterpillars to butterflies to changing us day by day with the things he places in our path. He has a one of a kind design for us all.

God told Noah to put one small window in the ark. He didn't want it in the door or on the side but in the top of the ark..During those 40 days and nights all Noah could see was UP. He couldn't see the death and destruction all around him below. His eyes were directed upward inspite of the darkness surrounding him and his family. Just like Noah God wants us to look above and live above!!

As I was leaving I seen a butterfly flying around the track..this butterfly was living above the destruction and death (of all the dead caterpillars I seen on the track) below..One of God's purposes for the butterfly was to fly to new heights.

Because it allowed the working of God's hands in its life the butterfly was now able to go where it never could before. It had freedom to be what it couldn't be before, and do what it only dreamed of before.

Maybe that caterpillar I seen so close to the grass was going to try to do things itself. Maybe it got bored and thought things were taking too long. Maybe things looked better across the way. Maybe it thought it didn't need anything or anyone. It was headed nowhere and that is exactly where it ended up. It never became what God intended. This caterpillar was only a "could've been". It "should've been" and it "would've been" a butterfly if it hadn't done its own thing.

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. -1 Corinthians 6:20
I said all that to say this. Please don't leave where you know is right to go to a place you shouldn't be. The world looks fun. Sin looks fun. The Devil works overtime on his commercials..and they are good!! But it'll leave you and dry, empty, and dead with nothing to show. Don't be a thief of giving God the glory due to Him. Stay where HE is. You might be a mess tonight but soon you'll be like that butterfly going to new heights, giving Jesus more and more glory. YOU are His work, His design. YOU are not your own, He bought you with the highest price!

-Stay in the Word

-Stay with Jesus

-Stay away from sin

-Stay where God has purposefully placed you

-Stay at His feet

-Stay with the stuff

Just stay and be still. Wherever He leads follow. Whatever He says Do. He will take you to new heights.
Our full potential is to help things grow everywhere we go. Give life to all those around us. Be a helper, not a hinderer. For God to be given all the glory.

Instead of full of ourselves, may we be full of God, full of good, full of grace, full of glory FOR Him and not ourselves. In the midst of darkness all around us may we shine a light in someones darkness.
 
Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. -Habakkuk3:17,18,19

I want what God wants for me. On my own I am nothing but with Him anything is possible. I desire to live above! Even if that means staying still for a while. Do you?

Exodus 15: Bitter Sweet

Exodus 15:22-26 

So Moses brought Israel from the Red sea, and they went out into the wilderness of Shur; and they went three days in the wilderness, and found no water. And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter: therefore the name of it was called Marah. And the people murmured against Moses, saying, What shall we drink? And he cried unto the Lord; and the Lord shewed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters, the waters were made sweet: there he made for them a statute and an ordinance, and there he proved them, And said, If thou wilt diligently hearken to the voice of the Lord thy God, and wilt do that which is right in his sight, and wilt give ear to his commandments, and keep all his statutes, I will put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians: for I am the Lord that healeth thee.

3 days earlier the children of Israel had seen God destroy their enemies and move the Red Sea just for them. The greatest miracle they'd ever seen! Now they were in the wilderness wondering if they'd done the right thing. It was hot, empty, and dry. The thought of turning around and going back seemed like a good plan in their heads. They began murmuring and Moses started crying out to God. I'm glad God hears us when we're murmuring and when we're crying out to him for help. For some reason God lead Moses to a tree in Marah..there the waters were bitter. Still nothing to drink, BUT God had a plan. Moses had to cast something into that bitter water. It doesn't say what it was..but something was cast and that casting allowed those waters to be changed from bitter to sweet. 

I've been there. Marah..that dry, bitter place, not at all what I wanted or prayed for.  I've wondered why and what God is doing..I've even thought at times he wasn't doing anything at all. I'm so glad I can cast my burden, my cares, my fears, and worries on him. No matter how much I cast He is more than able to turn the bitterness into sweetness. Oh taste and see that the Lord is GOOD. In the wilderness God was still good. When the waters weren't fit to drink God was still good. It was in that bitter place that he made them better! He made a promise to them, he proved them, he showed his power to them once again! There in that bitter place is where they learned who Jehovah Rapha is..the Lord who heals. Sometimes we need reminding that He is still able no matter what the problem is. All they had to do was learn to trust Him. He was trying their faith and longing for them to just obey each step of the way. 

"Does Marah deserve to be talked about four times as much as Elim? Perhaps it does. Per- haps there is four times as much fruit to be obtained from the bitter waters of Marah than from the 12 springs of water, and 70 palm trees at Elim."- Charles Spurgeon  I love this quote from Spurgeon. Why do we only seem to remember the hard times, the bitter places, the broken times. "I've had more gains than losses, I've known more joy than pain, no other way to say it than to say, Gods been good in my life.." Elim was beautiful and easy but God did no miracles there. Elim is a placet of rest and shelter. Elim wasn't a bitter place but Marah was a better place because of the casting into the water. God changed them in Marah. 

Exodus 3 Turn Aside and See

Exodus 3:1-4

Now Moses kept the flock of Jethro his father in law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the backside of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb. And the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush: and he looked, and, behold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not consumed. And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt. And when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I.

Moses was in a desolate place..in the desert leading the sheep. Something he'd done for many years. But this day was different. He was in the mountain of God and God had something for him to see.  I'm sure this wasn't the first time he'd seen a burning bush, but he'd never seen a burning bush that wasn't consumed by the fire. 

God was trying to get his attention. It wasn't about the fire. It was about what was in the midst of the fire. The angel of the Lord had appeared (appear: to be manifest) unto Moses. It says Moses "looked"..In the next verse it says he seen. Both of these words have the same meaning in Hebrew (ra'ah: to see, to consider, enjoy, have experience, gaze, take heed, be near, discern.) In our language the words look and see have different meanings. To look is to direct the eye towards an object with intention of seeing it. To see is to perceive by the eye, to be effected by, to behold, to know, understand and observe.  We can look at something but are we really seeing what we're looking at? God wanted Moses to see him.. He isn't satisfied with us looking his way, he wants us to really see him. He wants us to be in his presence and let his presence effect us. God had something to tell Moses but he needed to know Moses wanted to to really see. 

By the act of "turning aside" God knew Moses was serious. Only when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see did he call out to him. How many of us are missing him calling because we're too busy to turn aside and see him as he is..Holy! Take time to turn aside and see. Stop what you are doing and get in his presence even in the dry desert!God wanted to be real to a shepherd on the back side of a desert and He wants to be real to you too! The Lord is watching and waiting for us to turn aside and see his power and be in his presence. He has so much of himself that he wants us to enjoy, experience and gaze upon. 

Thoughts for the day: What all does God have to do to get my attention? Will it take a burning bush for me to finally look and see God? Am I really seeing what I'm looking at? God is not interested in us going through the motions. Go beyond the intention to see and really see God as he is. He has a burning bush experience for us too! 

John 11 When Jesus is Still

John 11:3,6

Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick. When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was.

Our Lord is so much bigger than we can comprehend. His works and ways are beyond us. God had a beautiful work in the making for Lazarus and his sisters. He loved them so much that He DIDN'T do what they asked..he went above and beyond. He did more than "come and heal Lazarus". He did a great work in Martha and Mary..He was "4 days late" but exactly right on time. When God is "being still" he has something greater in mind. 

He wants to: 

1. Get glory 

-{John 11:4

When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.} 

-He deserves all glory..the amazing thing is that He wants to use us to give him his own glory! It seems crazy from our perspective but Jesus seen what they could not. He sees what He has waiting just around the bend..wait on Him and let him get glory out of your trial. 

2. Get you at His feet again

-{John 11:32 Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.} 

-In Mary's mind Jesus had shown up too late. She knew He was big enough to heal him if He'd just came sooner. But this heartache didn't push her away from Jesus but brought her closer..it got her at his feet one more time. 

-He doesn't always answer like we want him too but whatever the answer we can always find rest and comfort at his feet. 

3. Grow your faith

-{John 11:23 Jesus saith unto her, Thy brother shall rise again.}

-in the times we don't understand where God is or what He is doing are the times he is longing to grow us! My pastor recently said "If you're going to go with God you can't stay where you are." In order to grow we must keep going. We can't stay in the past. Let go and press on. This made their walk with God stronger.

-We must take God at his word. Believe what He says. Jesus said Lazarus would live again. He gives us promises and he will always keep them. Hold onto them. Believe them. 

4. Give you a miracle 

-{John 11:14,43,44 Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead. & when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.}

-Not everyone got a miracle that day..but Martha, Mary and Lazarus did. Those who believed his word got to see and be apart of a miracle. Lazarus was dead but Jesus spoke the word and he came forth. 

-When things don't turn out like you planned don't quit..give him glory, stay at his feet, keep going with God, he will be faithful to you. He's got a miracle in the making for you! He got glory through this delay and he proved his power to them. 

Whatever is causing the Lord to be "still" in your life..trust He is doing a whole lot more than what you asked for. It might seem like too much time has passed and the situation is hopeless but don't lose hope. Jesus is on His way..He's never early and definitely never late. It'll happen right on time. 

Romans 16:1-2 Phebe

 Romans 16:1-2
I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea: That ye receive her in the Lord, as becometh saints, and that ye assist her in whatsoever business she hath need of you: for she hath been a succourer of many, and of myself also.

Phebe: "shining; pure"
Paul said some things about this behind the scenes lady..he commended her for her service to the church. Commend means to represent as worthy of notice, regard, or kindness; to speak in favor of. Paul thought highly of her and thought she was worthy of notice. She'd been faithful through the years and it hadn't gone unnoticed. Even today she is being spoken highly of in God's word. Just 2 verses, but forever settled in Heaven.. Phebe was a special lady.  Paul said a few things about her:
1. She was a sister
-She was saved and part of the family of God.
2. She was a servant
-She desired more than just salvation. She wanted a walk with the Lord that pleased him. He is pleased when we have a servants heart. She desired to serve however she could. That word servant means, deacon, waiter, assistant. She assisted (One who aids, or who contributes strength or other means to further another.) many and Paul wanted to make sure the church assisted her as well.
3. She was a "succourer"
-aka a patroness: a female that favors, or supports. Not only did she serve others but she also supported others. She was genuine in her actions. Love was her drive..not self gain or to climb the ladder of success.
-Am I one who gives favor to others? Am I supportive or do I only expect others to give favor to me and be supportive of me?
-To Succor means to run to, or run to support; to help or relieve when in difficulty, want or distress; to assist and deliver from suffering. She ran to the suffering, the hurting, the sick..reaching out to help. We need to run from self centeredness and run to the suffering!

Phebe wasn't concerned with being noticed. She just wanted to be a blessing however she could. She just wanted to support and help everyone God put in her life. Joy=Jesus, Others, Yourself. She knew what Joy was because she devoted her life to not just living for herself but for others through living for the Lord. Her name means shining and that's exactly what she did. She wasn't selfish..But selfless. May I daily strive to be more and more like Phebe and her servant's heart.

Romans 8:26 He is Praying For Me

Romans 8:26

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

Intercession: prayer or solicitation to one party in favor of another, sometimes against another.

Solicitation: Earnest request

I was riding to church last night having a rough time about something. I was down and out. Out of the blue my brother Caleb starts talking about this verse.. Him and my dad started talking about how we sometimes forget to pray about things and at times we don't even know what we need to pray..I'm guilty of that. I've told people I would pray for them at a specific time and then it completely slips my mind when that time comes. I hope I'm not the only one who does that. Anyways I realized in the midst of my struggle Jesus is at the right hand of the Father praying for me! The Spirit is interceding on my behalf. What peace comes when someone tells you they're praying for you.. I'm going to be okay because of that fact. He's praying for God's will to be accomplished in MY life (vs27). What a comfort and help that was to me last night! 

When I forget to pray..He doesn't. 

When I don't know what to pray..He does. 

When I need prayer..He's praying for me🙌🏻 

I don't know what you might be facing but remember the Lord is praying for YOU right now. Don't give up..He is praying for His will to be accomplished in your life. 

Martha and Mary..Will you choose the good part?

Luke 10:40-42
But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

I've always loved this story. Jesus Calling lead me to again it yesterday. I noticed Martha was careful and troubled about MANY things, but  she only mentioned ONE thing to Jesus. How many times do we go before Him carrying a full load of burdens and troubles and only tell him one? I wonder what else Martha was worried, upset or agitated about. Help was in her house and all she wanted to do was complain to Jesus. He wanted to help bear her burdens but she was too concerned about dinner running smoothly. I was reminded that time with Jesus is always more important..most important. I forget that so often. He wants to help me but I'm often too busy trying to tell everyone else what they ought to be doing just like Martha was. Martha was missing out and she didn't even realize it. It says "Mary hath chosen that good part." Mary made her own choice and so did Martha. The choice is: serve or sit still? Strive or cease striving, complain or cast (your cares 1Peter 5:7)? Be busy or be blessed? Be hurt or be helped? We have a choice too. It is so needful! Time at Jesus feet is needful. Hearing His perfect word is needful. Time at the masters feet "shall not be taken away from" you. It's never a waste of time to sit at His feet and hear His word.

Waiting ON The Lord

So something happened to me 7 months ago.. It wasn't a bad thing. It was a good thing. It was something I've waited my whole life for. It was really beautiful. It was more than I'd asked for. But the Lord took it away. It doesn't make any sense to me but I still trust Him. He is still God after all. He is the potter and I am the clay. 

Did you notice I said I waited? I waited.. I waited my whole life for THIS to happen. I've sought the Lord about THIS more than I've ever sought Him about anything! Since I was a little girl everyone always told me "Wait for Gods best", "Wait for the one". "It will be worth the wait." I believed them.

I'm not here to say that's wrong I'm just here to say I have bought the lie that if I wait for the ONE, if I wait for God's BEST HE WILL come. I'm here to say I don't believe that anymore..

Don't get me wrong I believe it's right to wait. I always have. Waiting is exactly what I've done.  Yesterday at work a patient came in and brought her 4 month old little girl. I looked at that baby and I thought to myself "why isn't God giving me what I want..what I've waited for?" I wondered if this girl had waited? She is around my age and already has 3 kids. All I've ever wanted was to get married and have cute babies. But God keeps making me wait. 

I've come to this conclusion..Life is like a roller coaster..one day everything is rising and you're smiling and it all feels so good, and then before you know it the coaster starts falling and you're not smiling anymore; you're crying your eyes out unsure about everything. I'm slowly learning I can let the fall stop me or I can let it cause me to seek the Lord more. I can get mad at God or I can fall more in love with Jesus. I can get bitter or I can get better. I can give up or I can grow. 

That's what I want. I want to grow. As I mentioned earlier I believe I've been waiting for the wrong thing. I've been waiting for the wrong reasons. Sometimes if we're honest with ourselves and God we see there are times in our lives when we stay with God to get from him..not because we want Him but we want something from Him.  

My pastor has been preaching out of Ruth on Wednesday nights. Last night the title was "I don't want the field, I want the MAN" from Ruth chapter 3. Ruth wasn't satisfied with the blessings..she wanted the Blesser. The field she got to serve in wasn't enough. The handfuls of purpose weren't enough. She wanted the man. And you know what she did? She went and got him. Ruth had purpose but she wanted more. She risked everything leaving Moab and going to Bethlehem-Judah with Naomi. She was an outcast. She never dreamed Boaz (a mighty man of wealth) would look her way. But he did. 

Let me back up a second..In Ruth 2:8 it says: Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but ABIDE here fast by my maidens. Abide means: to wait for, to dwell, to rest, to remain, to keep close, to cling. Boaz wanted Ruth to stay in his field. He pursued her when she got in his field. He noticed her before she ever even knew who he was. That's the same way it is with Jesus. He noticed me and he loved me before I knew him. He pursued me. He told me to abide with him. Boaz is a type of Christ. Boaz had claimed her and asked her to abide in his field. But this night she wanted to claim him. She was his handmaiden, but she wanted more. She wanted him to be hers. She got at his feet. She waited on him. She wasn't waiting for the handfuls of purpose, or the blessings Boaz freely gave, she was waiting on the man. 

I read this article the other day..it was called "To the girl who's tired of waiting". It was good! I even shared it on FB because it's true. I am tired of waiting. But really I'm just tired of waiting on the wrong things. 

What's the point of waiting to graduate, waiting to go on vacation, waiting to get married, waiting for ________? Whatever..you fill in the blank. After that day comes we just start waiting for something else to come. We are wishing and waiting our lives away by waiting on the wrong things.

God's way IS the waiting way. The Bible is full of verses telling us to wait, to be still, to rest, to be patient. He does want us to wait. But he is not saying wait on: the one, the best, the things that will only satisfy for a season..He longs for us to get to the place where we just want to wait ON Him and nothing else. 

Psalms 62:5

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

There it is..God is the only thing we should wait on. That word expectation means "thing that I long for". 

Psalm 27:14

Wait on The Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart; wait I say on The Lord. 

The word "On" gives the meaning of nearness, closeness or contiguity (or touching). It means coming or falling back to the surface of anything, as rain falls on the earth. It means at or near. "On" is resting for support as to depend on, to rely on. Wait means: to rest in expectation and patience, to stay; not to depart, to be still.

Fall at His feet. Rest in his promises. Depend on his strong arms. Wait. Wait on THE man..the man who truly satisfies, who truly cares for you, who continually pursues you. Wait ON the man whose compassion for you never fails. I believe that's the way He wants us to wait.

That's my new desire. He took away what I've waited 23 years for. He shattered my dreams. Through THIS I have come to realize something I wish I would've realized a long time ago...Waiting ON God IS worth the wait. Waiting ON God is best. I don't want to wait on my turn anymore. (Waiting for my turn) I don't want to wait on a "Yes" or even a "No" from God. I don't want to wait on my future husband to arrive. I don't want to wait on this prayer to be answered or that prayer to be answered. I don't want to wait on anything or anyone but HIM. 

I'm done waiting on a man. I'm going to wait ON the MAN. I'm waiting ON God.

Friends I truly believe he's shown me this for a reason. Maybe you need to realize He just wants you to wait ON Him. I'm tired of trying to figure everything out in my head..being anxious about things I shouldn't even have my hands on. Let go. Stop holding on and wait. Wait on the Lord. You'll grow through this waiting. THIS waiting pleases The Lord. 

Isaiah 43:19 He Will Do A New Thing..Hello 2016!

Isaiah 43:18-19

Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

It is a new year! A new start to a new book. That phrase 'new thing' comes from the Hebrew word chadash meaning, to be new, rebuild, renew, fresh new thing.  Vs 18 tells us to forget about some things..neither consider the things of old. Consider: to separate, or understand. There are some things that happened in 2015 that I really just don't understand. Things I didn't ask for but happened. Things that left me so hurt. These things are what he wants us to forget because he has better things coming! 

He gave us some promises in verse 19. It says "I WILL" twice and "IT SHALL" once. 

1. He will DO {a new thing}

2. He will MAKE {a way} 

He wants us to let go of the things of old and believe he will do something new in this new year. We must keep open hands..allow Him to take what he wants and give what he wants. Last night after I got home from church I poured out my heart once again. 4 years ago on January 1, 2012 I surrendered my life and let go of my plastic pearls. I let go of myself but somewhere along the way I grabbed control of my life. Last night I let go of what I want. I had been trying to "consider" and understand what he was doing and why this happened. I was so hurt about something. The more I tried to figure things out on my own the more confused and angry I became. Last night I let go of those things that happened in 2015 that make absolutely no sense to me. God will do a new thing for me in this new year! He will make a way when I see no way. When things are dry he promises rivers in the desert. I am so glad he is a God that DOES and a God that WILL. He's always working..even now.

I feel peace in my heart after taking my hands off my life and the things of old. I don't have to wonder or worry about what God is doing..he's doing a new thing. It shall spring forth! It might take some time but I am beyond excited about the new thing he will do. Please don't let the things of old hold you back from receiving the new thing God is wanting to give to you! Give it to him..for some reason he always wants our pain, anger, frustration..whatever it is that's holding us back. He wants that! It's time to forget and forgive..it's time to trust God knows exactly what tomorrow holds. He's a big enough God to do just what you and I need! Happy New Year my friends! I hope it's the best yet for you!❤️🎉